a little mental

It is now Tues morning at 12:22 am. I have talked about the pain that I am in but I haven't mentioned what it is doing mentally to me. It is like I am teetering rite on the edge of complete break down and just getting on with it. It seems very crazy to me that I have that much power to chose how this whole thing goes. I feel like I can't get comfortable and I keep moving. Every time I move it feels like my bones and muscles are grinding together. I find myself thinking about all the pain and I try to occupy my mind with other thoughts. Until I find that I have slipped back into focusing on the pain again. That has been happening probably once or twice every 5 Min's.I'm telling you.... this is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. I have been told that a hot bath and some gravol is the way to go. So I think I' will be getting some tomorrow for sure. It's funny because I think I would be craving a hot bath even if I hadn't heard about it first. It seems that it would be such a good feeling on my joints and aches. stomach is cramping up a bit now too. I am still dumping liquids down my throat to flush this shit out of me faster. I can't believe how slow the time is going....wtf??? It seems like every min is like an hour... can this get any worse???? I am not a very religious person but I will be praying that this will be all over soon as possible. Walking has become a little bit more of a chore now as well. It hurts to do it but I am forcing my self to get up and do things. I am so frustrated and sore I get to tears a few times a day now.... what a roller coaster man......FUCKING HELL!!!! well I'm going to try and read my book and keep my mind busy for a bit.


1:58 am Tues... just figured I would pop in and tell ya that the profuse sweating and a bit of shacking have made their way to join the party of aches and pains I am having in my body. This is crazy, scary, painful, embarrassing, mentally crippling and a very looooong process. I never understood the limits one could push their body to when needed. I am having pretty bad stomach pains more frequent now as well. Going to try and play the Xbox 360 for a bit...hope it works.