A dirty dirty pain

This is the dirtiest feeling ever ever ever ever!!! This pain is so disgusting it is almost undescribable now. I feel like I have to move to get comfortable but I am afraid of the pain that comes with the moving part haha. My legs and kidney area are soooo fucking sore it keeps bringing me to tears. I can handle a lot of pain usually and this is above and beyond anything I have ever felt. I forgot to mention that I am doing this with a bottle of my Oxycontin's sitting infront of me. I am doing it to keep my mind strong as this pain courses through me. I look at that bottle and fight the temptation to take just one pill to ease all of this shit. Then I think about how it was those pills that made me this way..... so the temptation is only for a quick minute. My mind is stronger then when I started this journey as I am doing a ton of reflecting. I also am getting strength from all of your stories about your battles. I thank you all for the encouragement and the positive and kind words.... It really does help more then you could imagine. The pains seem to come in waves. Sometimes from every 10 seconds to every 10 minutes. When they come.... ya gotta just grin and bare it. I picture myself crushing my thumb into sand... I don't know why I picture that LOL it's weird. I'm sure different things work for different people so I guess that's just one of my helpers. Well I'm going to smoke a bowl and maybe eat something. That's one of the bonuses of using pot to get through this shit.... I still have an appetite. I feel it coming back so I'm going to get up and move around a bit. See you all soon I'm sure.